Shattered Dreams

We loved you from the very start, you stole our breath, you embraced our hopes and dreams.  You are a part of us sweet little one, and will live forever within our hearts.  Her name is Alaina Pearl.  Jesus calls her His angel.  She is also our angel, looking over us each day...Comforting her Mama and Daddy by blowing them sweet kisses each day. 

Life is so precious… grab it and hold on tight, never take anyone for granted as they can be taken from you in a heartbeat.  Tell them you love them every day. 

Why?  We asked that question over and over.  We still have no answer.  I feel like the harder I press for the answer the less likely it is to come. I guess time will tell, and maybe it won’t.  We struggle with the pain, the grief, the sorrow, and even anger for the unfairness of it all. I watch as my only child suffers mentally and physically…now she suffers a huge loss and has an empty spot in her big heart.  A spot that holds love for her baby and an over whelming sorrow that she is no longer here with us. I guess time and strength given through God will heal all that hurts.  But the memories never fade or go away.  Alaina came into this world quietly and left it with tiny angel wings.  She is loved.  She is precious.  She was our miracle. To love that precious little one is a love like no other.   It’s amazing how much you can love her when you never got to cuddle her in your arms, never got to look into her beautiful eyes, or see her precious smile as she giggled.

To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever…The pain weakens, there are others that come into your life, but the gap never closes…you never forget…The hole in your heart is the shape of the one you lost ~ no one else can fit in it.

Alaina sweet angel

I will visit with you in my dreams.  We will play together, read books, laugh and be silly and bake cookies.  I will love you forever and you will never be forgotten.  I will see you in heaven one day…Save a place for me.

Love, Your Grammie

Sometimes the things we cannot change…end up changing us~ 

 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Psalm 34:18

Jumping Rainbows, Lassoing Dreams, and Wishing On Stars

...so says Cinderella.
Without my dreams and hopes, life seems rather dull. It’s like total boredom, never reaching for anything, never stepping out on that limb but always sitting at home on the couch…waiting.  Waiting for what?  Different desires come with age. My dreams are not the same as they used to be as some of those dreams have been fulfilled throughout the years.  I’ve strattled a few fences along the way…do I do this or do I do that, this way or that way?  I’ve fallen off only to get back up, put on my big girl panties, the pretty lacey ones, and move on again.
Standing at the intersection of life with 3 other ways to go, has been a test. Do I go straight ahead or turn to the left or to the right? As long as I didn’t come to a dead end, I was usually OK.
Looking ahead now the dream is looking at 59½.  I know there are those of you who know exactly what I am referring to and can relate…but for those of you who are way too young, let me explain: Retirement age…not that you cannot retire before then…but you cannot draw on your retirement funds you worked hard for until that age. Its part of that government control stuff you know. Oh they give you ways that you can get to your money with penalties and taxes, that way they still control your money while getting a chunk of it for themselves. So unlike Cinderella with her fairy godmother who is always watching out for her, I think I will just wait it out.

It sounds like I’m wishing my life away to get to that age…not so; it’s just the dream, brewing in its early stages that I cannot reach yet.
In the mean time I will jump a few rainbows, climb one or two and slide down the curve hoping to land softly in that pile of gold at the bottom. I will stand in the dark night gazing into the starry sky making wishes on every twinkle.  I will lasso the moon because I know that I can reach that far.  I will dance in the rain with my tongue hanging out to catch the sweet drops and taste the present moment. I will live in that moment; I will live in the right now.

My dreams come true

 Growing up

Dating

Being an artist…starving one but still one

Graduating high school

Going to college

Getting married

Working

Buying a house

Buying some land

Having a child

Being a Mama

Watching her walk and talk

Selling the house

Building our new home

Raising our child right

Still working

Building a nest egg

Watching her grow up

Sending her to college

Watching her walk the aisle to her love

Being happy and blessed

Retiring

Living well and comfortable, not money rich

My dreams of hope

Being a Grammie

Living long enough

Hubby retiring

Living in each moment

Traveling

Being healthy

Living easy

Spending that money I waited for

Helping and giving

Living in eternity one day

My dreams were/are pretty simple really…nothing fancy or wild, nothing out of the ordinary, just plain simple everyday typical things of life. I have been blessed.
I have made it through the rain…thus far. Sometimes I got drenched and caught a cold, sometimes I fell in the mud puddle instead of jumping over it or sometimes I simply enjoyed the coolness of it and sometimes I danced. And I know that it will continue to rain every now and then on my parade but it is up to me to decide if I will keep on dancing.

Notice how my future dream list is shorter….what’s up with that!?

Cinderella and I need to chat or either she needs to share her fairy godmother!

"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you."

~Marsha Norman~

I hope that all your dreams come true!

Loving me some Adele on the playlist….

Roller~Coaster Ride

While we are all trying to figure out what life is all about; I like Fannie Flagg’s explanation in the book I’m reading; "Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven".  Here's a little excerpt from the book where Elner Shimfissle asks God the ultimate question about life:  

"What is life all about?"   "It’s a gift!"   He tells her…plain and simply.

We should all consider this answer and view life as the gift in which it was intended…something given in love and it is up to us to take it, cherish it, live it, and make it the best ever.  God goes on further to explain to Elner that life is not nearly as complicated as people think… "Life is like one big roller-coaster ride, with all kinds of bumps and twists and turns, and ups and downs along the way."  We just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. "The problem is most people think they are steering and get so busy trying to control it that they miss all the fun parts."  We should not be the ones in control…I know that is hard for some to grasp, but it is true. We have the free will to make our own choices but we need to let God be in control of them.

Sooooo… I’m going to enjoy the ride with God as my pilot and let Him steer. That way I get to take in all the scenery, the fun, the excitement, and not miss a thing. I also get to take lots of photos because my hands are free of the steering wheel ~sweet love! 

*the song "Jesus Take the Wheel" comes to mind here…smiling*

Thanks Fannie for this perspective on life, I think it is one I can live with.

I Hope you enjoy the ride. Eat some oatmeal along the way…

 
Excerpts from the book, "Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven" by Fannie Flagg.

Bright balloons and Play dates

My word for 2011 is simple…HOPE

Yes that old familiar, simple word and the one thing we all do…Hope.

Hope is defined as a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Don’t you think hope should be an optimistic and much needed element of life? The feeling that, what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Oh yeah I am so in favor of that... An attitude of spiritual grace...A longing and desire for all things good, certain, unquestionable, and sanguine.

When hope enters the soul it makes all things new.

 ~ James Freeman Clarke

hope is the rope we hang onto to keep from falling,
hope is a wish upon a star,
hope is a dream not yet found
hope is a promise offered
hope is a vision of something unseen
hope is the faith that mountains will move
hope is the lullaby that rocks our world
hope is a hunger in a place gone mad.

Hope is constructive and practical for our well being. It is the peace we fill ourselves with while we hope for peace here on earth. Hope is what we trust, like an anticipated dream with many expectations. Let us decorate our world with hope…

I hope you dance till you drop

I hope you laugh while crying

I hope you sing out in the rain

I hope you love…

I hope you live out loud

I hope you fly over the rainbow

I hope you give it all

I hope life gives to you silly,

fanciful wonder, cupcakes, and chewy taffy…

          an Oreo cookie dunked in cold milk,
warm sand to dig your toes in, bright balloons, play dates,
          and lots of naps.
I hope your life is as sweet as pink sugar and
          on occasion when it turns tart and tainted remember…

             there is always HOPE and no one can take that away from you.

For 2011… Hope is my word.