I prayed….everyday for months without ceasing; day in and day out. Dear Lord You know the desires of my heart. You know what I want and I know You hear me and listen to every word. I cling to hope on the promises You gave us long ago. Every reason I can think of makes sense…it is right for everyone concerned; it’s all stacked in the right order. . I have confidence that You hear every plea in my prayer. It makes perfect sense. "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts". Psalm 139:23 KJV
I have made my requests known to You. I trust You. I know that You will answer. I believe You know what is best. You will give the right answer. I have a peace about it.
Just as an earthly father listens to his children, God hears the prayers of His children.
The answer You me gave was "NO".
That answer was not the desire of my heart. It was the wrong answer. No…not there, its too far away. You did not listen or either I did not make myself clear. Why have You squashed this dream? The plans, hopes and dreams I had cannot be fulfilled now. I prayed with faith…believing that You would give me the right answer. My answer…the one I wanted to hear. Why? I am trying to wrap my thoughts around this answer and understand it. Doubts are lingering and making me question Your answer. It was not suppose to happen like this. My thoughts have joined the pity party with the devil and his crew. The whys…the its-not-fair, the no-not-there, the no-that-was-not-it, the You-didn’t-listen…You-misunderstood-me ideas came rushing in. The tears of disappointment rained on my party, they flooded my judgment. Why did you say NO? I was so sure and my request made perfect sense. Anger clouded my faith to the point I was dancing with the devil. I labored in doubt and lost my peace. You had let me down. I became temporarily drunk on doubt and blinded by misguided thoughts. The party with the devil was in full blown form.
It was only after kicking the devil out on his butt and slamming the door in his face, that I regained my faith and spun those thoughts around in my head again. He made me question my faith and placed a doubting question on my belief in prayer.
I hate that…
I know that God promised to cause all things to work together for our good. (Romans 8:28). I found my inner strength again through You. Jesus, I know You never make mistakes, Your timing is always perfect and there is a good reason why You answered this prayer with Your will in mind. I now understand that my request was self-centered and self serving. Your answer was not what I wanted but what Your will had to be. You always know what is best…Your plans are perfect and I must trust and go in faith with the answer You provided. What I do with that opportunity is up to my free will. You answered my plea…it was not the answer I was hoping for because it was my plan, my desire, my hope, my dream, my belief, my will……..mine……not Yours!
I was wrong.
It was not what I wanted but what was needed. "The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you". I understand this and know this to be true and right.
I now also understand why Your answer was the right one all along. It is the best for everyone. I have a renewed faith through seeing things in a different light. It is all coming together in bits and pieces. It is Your best laid plan and the evil one needs to stay out of it, and out of my head. He caused my temporary lack of faith in You. How ashamed I am for that… I should have never doubted you and went to that party. Please forgive me. You have opened my heart. These doubts and questions will cause me to trust You even more especially with the unknown. Though no one has perfect faith I will grow stronger in mine through every life experience as I walk with You. Thank You.
I prayed …You listened ~ You heard…You answered.
It was the right answer.
"Faith grows by being exercised, and faith is not exercised
when we receive everything we want or think we need."
~ Graham Pockett
Postscript~I began pondering and writing this post over a week ago. The days following its inception held a terrible tragedy for my family and our city. The questions, the hurt, the heartache and the pain of that go somewhat hand in hand with this post, but were neither the original prayer request nor the reason for my writing…This tragedy made my prior prayers and requests seem insignificant and small at this time. I have learned that no matter the request you have with God…it is not insignificant in any way. He listens to all of our prayers, considers them all, and answers them all…with the RIGHT answer. We are His children; He loves us all and wants us to trust Him with His will, not ours.
Standing in line for hours last week to speak to grieving family members gave me a renewed insight to prayer. A family member that did not know me from Adam’s house cat…thanked me for coming and told me to continue to pray for them. I assured her that I had been and would definitely continue to do so. She responded with this: "I know you have been or we would not have been able to stand here and do this tonight".
God blesses with the strength and courage to endure and persevere.
Now I hope to beat the dust off my camera and get busy!
Thanks for listening...